Shit Janelle. I was trying to keep my mom at bay. Not even in the margins – I really mean at bay. You know that bay over there? Not that one.. further down..
Alright. Here goes nothin’…
My mom is a narcissist… okay, I’ll be kinder – she has narcissistic tendencies. I know not to trust her actions as there is usually (statistically speaking) an underlying motive that is self-serving. She is a powerful woman. Former crown prosecutor, widowed. Twice. Independent. In control. In charge. Domineering. Her way or the highway kind of woman.
I don’t think she is capable of a sincere apology – not one that shares clarity, insight, recognition and accountability. My mother sees apologies as admissions of guilt. I always apologized to appease her, so therefore she was always right. Never in the wrong. We can’t have that. She has other ways of doing her best to show her love – seeing and receiving these, I do not need an apology in words.
I had a ‘mean girl’ from high school apologize to me years later about being a jerk. That was kind of cool as I wasn’t expecting it, and she really was a jerk. It helped me realize that maybe I hadn’t done anything wrong.
where rivers are born 