I just realized I hold a lot of trauma in my neck and throat area. I think this is not only physical but also spiritual. I’ve had physical trauma to my throat – I’ve been strangled to the point where I thought I might lose my life. While being choked I was also kicked and punched in the back of the head. Just because I’m a “straight, privileged, white woman” doesn’t mean I haven’t gone through some shit.
“Windows to the sky”, I think she said – keeping my head from soaring into the clouds. In Japan, I was so relatively tall that I could have had temperature inversion – much like a ski hill – “It’s warm and sunny up here I would say”, hollering down from above the clouds.
I’m imagining my head as a hot air balloon – being tied down by my scalenes and [ insert fancy sciencey word here ] muscles and ligaments. My head wants to escape from the gravity of many things that have happened – sure you can fuck my body, cut it, scrape it – but with my head drifting away – I will never know.
My body would connect with Earth and grow vines to hold back your arms, your eyes, your evil spirits and wind around you – suffocating you and filling you with the essence of blue chamomile, daisies, and lavender – so even your poisoned bodies would regenerate the soil – fertilizing the Earth to provide a bounty of new crops – fruits and vegetables, and bees to pollinate them.
where rivers are born 