This thing is training me to daily break a cycle of the ‘hurt people hurt people’ scenario.
For anyone who has kids or has taken care of someone younger than themselves for a long period of time – the kids really do mirror aspects of yourself back to you.
I ask him how his day was – he tells me all the things – I try not to ask too many questions and leave enough quiet space so he can fill the gaps if he wants to.
I am most-of-the-time consciously avoiding carrying on harmful traits that my mother had.
As her training as a lawyer with 36 years in the government – she was a crown prosecutor – she was trained to see those who weren’t on her side of the table as wrong, guilty, etc – there is no innocence going into a conversation with my mother.
She held resentment and couldn’t communicate to us as kids – so we got weeks of silent treatment and negative comments – any attempts at sharing a different perspective were met with huffs of dismissiveness – volume going waaaayyyy up on the screams – fits, tears, slammed doors, etc.
I would leave and spend time in my room with my 90’s jams blasting because those artists really got me.
Once she put her thorns down I would apologize so things could go back to normal. Never having uttered a word, never truly being at fault – but an apology was the only way to relieve the tension. This was close to a daily ritual. I notice when my anger bubbles up I try the easy out and want to blame someone else. I’m usually mad because I was the one avoiding myself and my intuition – what I truly wanted or needed that day.
Then circumstance comes along to put daily tasks in your life which you so conveniently label as ‘obstacles’ to whatever shit you really wanted to do.
where rivers are born 