Avoidance feels like the absence of something. The turning away from. The cold shouldering. The back burner. The out-of-sight-out-of-mind. That dark foggy – seemingly empty space right at the back of our skull.
Resistance feels like an approach toward – charged and spiky like that cat’s hissing state. It looks like, in science class, when the magnet created a fuzzy line of iron shavings. Filing up side-by-side to defend. To protect. To protest. To resist the hierarchy, to critique the institution. To point out flaws, systemic oppressive injustices – to reclaim spaces and places. To actively reverse whitewashing. To paint colours. To embrace all. To rid the parasitic energy growing at our auras like the pot boiling slowly with the frog inside.
Avoiding. What am I avoiding? Am I avoiding sending my resumé out or am I preventing it from being sent out seeking the wrong leads/opportunities.
I resist the status-quo. My stomach is feeling very acidic the past few days – I am calling back eating intuitively – I need to alkalinize my body. Fertilize my soil – temper my pH. Tend to the garden. Income. Income. In-coming.
Meteors enter my thoughtforms as my language becomes less physical – more spiritual – my mind is drifting away. It must have been the bread I ate drifting me away. To be grounded by root vegetables – maybe nettle tea will settle me. Caring for self. Avoiding the self.
Resistant to change of who I was, who I am becoming, who I truly am? Fear of rejection. My partner will laugh at who I am – he doesn’t really connect with the beliefs and practices of spirituality I’m learning to spend time with, to lean into.
Why is our group so small? Has the shell of our collective egg cracked and have the relationships that were starting to form, seeped out?
where rivers are born 