To be true to oneself. To live with integrity. To be accountable. To say what you mean and mean what you say. To be purposeful, heartful and intentional. To truly listen. To be and stay present. To speak up and reach out. To lift others up. To leave when you must. To speak truth. To call out. To reach up, see up – call up.
I love seeing others living their best life – living out their dreams. Crafting their stories as they see them to be. To reach a goal – to carve out space – to share gifts. To speak authentically and freely, with consciousness but without apology.
To write. To remember. To jot down. To reach out. Speak honestly. Try and practice getting it right. I’m watching this show, Casual, on Netflix – I feel like I may have watched it before – or segments of it. The main character – a woman, is starting to anger me. She has just quit her job as a therapist to open up a wine shop – her dream. Or a dream that she is really excited about. She is led to a retail space with high ceilings, big windows and character. She asks her daughter to come help and she tells her what colour pink she wants on the walls – where she wants a cheese fridge – where to put the pairing section for recommendations on what wines to drink for dinner parties, girls nights, and break-ups.
Then – too soon – she meets with this ‘wine guy’ who knows his stuff – and he begins to ask mouthfuls of reality-jarring questions and gives her feedback not only on wine, but decor, etc, etc.
The vision of hers is gone and replaced by a trendy, cold, masculine vibe.
She doesn’t speak up. She bats her eyelashes and they get into a romantic relationship. It pisses me off because for the times she does speak up for herself in the show – as soon as a man shows interest in her – it’s like she switches to auto-pilot and performs as she believes he wishes her to. In an almost awesome mid-life crisis she shrinks, she quiets, she follows, she submits – I’m assuming this will fizzle out shortly and she’ll finally realize that she needs time and space to herself. To say ‘no’. To set boundaries – ‘I’d like your help but only on this and this’.
I’m going down to my mom’s on Wednesday to learn about family stories. I called her yesterday to update her on one small strata thing, but I’m always the one to ask her how she’s doing first in the conversation – she ended up talking at me for 30 plus minutes before I could get a word in edge wise.
She was excited about the family history stuff she was finding so I didn’t feel right squashing her enthusiasm – but then she went on to huffing and puffing and ranting and bitching about all the legal battles she’s in.
When she ran herself out, I finally spoke up and said the reason for my call. I am worried if I don’t limit the time with my mom – I am going to behave more and more like her.
where rivers are born 