I am so lame or maybe too embarrassed to even think about what I might share.
A few more are coming to me now – like the satisfaction of picking my nose when it’s just dry enough to pull out some nose hairs – or the satisfaction of scraping my nails across my skin in the tub removing layer after layer of dead skin.
But something I actually really enjoy is yelling at strangers. Ha! There, I admitted it. Mostly at my kid’s sports games. If there are asshole parents in the stands then I take immense joy in being able to shut them up with my words.
The Port Alberni hockey team’s parents were particularly terrible. They had air horns and sound makers and signs and really high pitched mothers with shrill screams and even shriller voices.
They were winning seven or eight nothing and would cheer like their life depended on it for each goal – our team was getting more and more deflated.
Finally, when we scored our first goal – I yelled like a banshee – mimicking and mocking their idiotic screams –
“OH MY GAAAWWDDDDD!”
“SO AMAAAAAAAZZZIINNGGG, I CAN”T BELIEVE IT?!”
“Whoooooo,,, yeaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!”
The parents noticed me and looked over half-confused/half-concerned.
I looked straight back and said, “Is it like looking in a mirror??!!”
I got some chuckles and smiles from our team’s parents closest to me.
Cool.
Also – the next goal their team scored was met with much less vigour and exaggerated enthusiasm.
Another time – three dads were being dicks and cheering loudly for dirty hits and rough play.
What broke the straw for me was when one of their players laid out the girl on our team – they almost jumped out of their seats like real assholes.
I quickly looked back and snapped, “Really?! That’s what you cheer for? He just laid her out!”
They looked like they had been scolded by their mothers and shut up, cowering after that.
I guess I sort of see myself as an energy barometer at those games – interrupting some bullshit behaviour before they go too far and it runs loose.
I enjoy sitting on the edge or even in the middle of the opposing teams fans to call them out.
I’m surprised that not more people do.
where rivers are born 