I am changing. Change is happening in my throat – throat lumps – coughing – causing a ruckus, a nuisance.
My mom has had a dry cough as long as I can remember – it’s like she always wants to attempt or be louder than someone else – who is usually talking.
My stress and lack of safety shows up as a lump in my throat – I remember having this feeling for months at my last job – never quite knowing who I could trust – what next step to take – becoming so light on my toes afraid from breaking eggshells, that I barely touched the ground.
Feeling and swirling through the hallways in a flighty tizzy – bumping off walls – a smokey haze… head lofty – mouth moving without fully-formed words or sound – a dreamscape or living nightmare under psychic/emotional attack for doing and not-doing, saying or not-saying, being or not-being this way – that way – or the other way…
pinball machine.
topsy turvy.
no ground to ground on.
someone barely keeping a head above water while also tossed through the clouds
The CAO told me a story of a coyote or wolf who jumped off a cliff creating the rock formation seen today –
she wanted me to make the same sacrifice.
where rivers are born 